Roxie-Annie Oakley by Roxie

The year was 1992 or ’93. I had made a run to the ranch with Rocky in tow. He was my companion, my guardian and protector. It was summertime and the kids were visiting their father in Arkansas so I was pretty independent at the time. I don’t recall where Randy was but on this particular outing Rocky and I were alone.

The ranch’s immediate neighbor to the east was The Perdanales Falls State Park and we would often get trespassers hiking along the river even though we had ‘no trespassing’ signs posted at the border and had even managed to put up a large STOP sign so there would be no confusion as to the intent of the owners. Apparently some people either didn’t see the sign or were blatantly ignoring all warnings about hiking up the river and onto our property because on this particular day Rocky and I had visitors.

We were lazing around down by the screened porch taking in the sun’s rays and dipping in the river occasionally to cool off. It was a magnificent day and Rocky and I were having a wonderful time. I had brought along the 357 Magnum just in case I needed it. It was my weapon of choice at the time because it’s big, accurate and I know how to use it. Being on 1,200 acres all by yourself can be scary and I didn’t want to be caught unaware and vulnerable. Between Rocky and the pistol I figured I had it under control.

By and by I heard voices coming our way and knew that several people were walking up the river and destroying my peace and quiet. I didn’t take too kindly to it. I was enjoying my solitude and the sounds of nature all around me. The river’s gentle lapping and birds singing soothed me. The last thing I wanted to hear was human voices.

As the intruders approached I strapped the 357 in its holster over my bikini and stood up. I could see them by then. Rocky’s hackles were up and so were mine. As the three men approached I felt somewhat apprehensive but pretty secure in my ability to get at least two of them before they even knew what happened. Rocky was growling and I had to put him on his leash to keep him by my side. That’s about the time they saw me. They stopped dead in their tracks and stared at me for a moment. I must have looked fierce with a gun on my hip and a snarling dog tugging at his leash by my side. All I had to say was, “Do you realize you’re trespassing on private property?” for them to change their direction.

They took one look at us and decided it was time to head back the way they had come. One of them quickly said, “No, I’m sorry. We’ll head back now. Please don’t shoot us.”

I said, “I won’t if you hurry along and I won’t let this dog go for about 15 minutes so you’d best be on your way. Please don’t ever trespass on our property again and tell your friends there’s a crazy lady and her dog patrolling up this way.”

They immediately turned around and quickly hiked back the way they had come. I was relieved. But the incident destroyed my tranquility so we packed up and headed back to Austin.

I made a point from then on to always have a pistol and dog with me when I ventured to the ranch alone. It’s a good feeling to know you can protect yourself if the need arises.

My only regret is I don’t have a picture of what I must have looked like with a rather large holstered pistol strapped over my bikini bottom and a wild and crazy dog by my side.