Battle of the Bulge - by Roxie

All right, I’m doing it I told myself this morning. I’m losing this ten pounds of fat off my ass if it’s the last thing I do. I walked four miles yesterday and wasn’t feeling so enthusiastic about it today, but I’m determined since we’re probably going to be swimming in the Caribbean come July 4^th. Of course after my four-mile walk yesterday and counting calories all day as well, trying to keep it to 1,200 calories or less, I was ravenous come American Idol. So what did I do, you ask? Why, I ate everything I could find in the pantry. Pita chips and hummus, the last of the nuts, two granola bars and a banana. I stopped myself when I reached for the chocolate chips for baking. Well, I stopped myself after two handfuls.

Needless to say, I didn’t lose any weight yesterday, probably put on two pounds. So, I’m mad at myself today. They say to just start over, one day at a time, today’s a new day, I’ll do better today, and I’ll have the will power to slowly back away from the chocolate chips today. Right? Right? Someone please tell me I will!

I’m thinking about hiring someone to follow me around and simply slap the bad stuff out of my hands as soon as I grab it. Or shackle me to a chair and feed me only things that are good for me. I wonder if it would work. I can be quite convincing at times. I could probably talk someone into giving me the chocolate chips if I really wanted the damn things. They’d have to be very strong willed and not listen to my pleas and conviction that I deserve those blasted chocolate chips so give ‘em to me already. Maybe earplugs would work.

I did go on another four-mile walk today and actually did it in less time because I jogged some of the way. Trying to burn off the screw-up of last night’s binge. I’m hoping I won’t devour the sofa tonight. Any volunteers to keep the food away from my mouth? Anyone?

Why is it that now that I’m older it’s sooo much harder to keep the weight off? Metabolism? What? I was blessed with a skinny body for years and literally could eat anything and never gain an ounce. In fact, I tried to GAIN weight, if you can imagine that. Even drank that liquid Nutrament crap that was supposed to help you put on a few pounds. That didn’t work either. Alas, I pine for the good old days when I couldn’t gain weight no matter what I tried.

Although that's not actually my ass at the top of the page, if I don't do something soon that will be me with the industrial sized chocolate chips in hand! For today I will strive to do better and if anybody has any grand ideas that might help me – hey, I’m open to all suggestions!