Hell No, I Don't Swear No More - Tamar

Hell No, I Don't Swear No More
When I was young I never swore
My mamma smacked me when, at four,
I lost a game of checkers and said ‘damn’
And so I learned to speak all nice
I didn’t want a slapping twice
And future curses I made sure to ban.

And then there came the waited day
When I grew up and moved away
And that is when I learned to swear real well
My friends and I would let ‘em rip
Enough to make my mamma flip
And pray I wouldn’t die and go to hell.

In school, as teacher, I’d refrain
And censor these words from my brain
But when at home again they’d all arise
Until I had my kiddies three
And since they learned their words from me
I’d have to put my swear words in disguise.

Like jeepers, fudge it, darn it all
And cripes, and shoot – incredible –
They never worked well if I stubbed my toe
But I held strong, until one day
My kids grew up and moved away
And once again my words began to glow.

But now my children bring their young
And say, hey, mamma, bite your tongue
Don’t let my babies learn to talk like that
So once again I clean my speech
And when I say that life’s a beach
You’ll know I’ve got the proper words down pat.

The wise folk say when we grow old
Our brains get covered up with mould
Which eats the part that tells us ‘don’t do that!’
So watch out, people, when I’ll talk
My words will make a sailor balk
And make a pretty interesting chat.