The Perfect PBJ - Roxie

First thing you do is find bread in the pantry. Yes, there it is, crammed between cereal and chips. Carefully remove the twist tie. Now don’t lose that, you’ll be needing it in a few moments. Remove two slices of bread and gently place them on your paper plate. Paper because the dishwasher wasn’t turned on last night and the “real” ones are dirty.

Oops, should have gotten peanut butter out of the pantry, too. That’s okay, no worries. Just take that twist tie, twirl the bread with its plastic tail, retie and gently stuff back where you found it. Now find the peanut butter. It’s between the canned corn and granola bars. Who organized this pantry anyway?

Get a dirty knife out of the dishwasher and kind of rinse it off. Open the peanut butter jar and stick the knife deeply into that beautiful, creamy goop. Carefully spread this glob on one of the slices of bread. Be sure to cover the bread entirely from crust to crust because it’s important in order to get the taste of peanut butter in every bite. Screw the lid back on the jar and return it to its rightful place in the pantry between the chips and the cereal, next to the bread so you won’t forget it next time.

Open the refrigerator and locate the strawberry jelly. Surprise, it’s in the door shelf where it should be! Life is good! Open it and before sticking that knife in there you should probably lick both sides so none of the peanut butter gets in with the jelly. Tilt the jelly sideways and pour/slide out enough to cover the peanut butter already on the slice of bread. Spread the jelly entirely over the peanut butter. Screw the cap on the jelly after licking what remains on the knife. Put the knife in the dishwasher. Turn that sucker on. Put the jelly in the fridge.

Slap the plain slice of bread on top of the loaded side and eat that baby! Now that’s the perfect PBJ!